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[ There's a good while of silence, aside from the rustle of a paper, like a page being turned. ]

Oh, yes, right! Hello! How do I do one of these voicemails things again?

[ Another bit of silence, and then he clears his throat. ]

You've reached the Doctor - the eleventh, to be exact. Leave a message and I'll get back to you, promise!

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[It's the first place he thinks of to go. Even if it means facing the damn Doctor if -

- no. There's no if. Oswin is here, it's just a glitch on the bracelets. They haven't been as close since the Doctor's death, but she's still someone he let in and trusted and cared for, so she can't be gone. She can't have left him.

He puts on a heavy glare as he knocks, but the desperation behind it is plainly visible.]

[ While the Doctor keeps to himself, cooped up in his workshop, he's crawling his way out of it for some tea when the knock comes. At first he thinks he'll just ignore it, but when he looks around the house seems very quiet and... maybe it's important. Maybe it's got to do with--

No. Probably not.

Still, he actually walks over to the door and opens it, prepared to put on a facade except.

Except it's Pyro. And suddenly that just doesn't matter, because Pyro's expression registers right away and he must have noticed the same thing. Not like he didn't know Oswin was important to him.

Not that he has to be happy about him showing up. Why did he open the door? ]

What?

Where is she. [He immediately makes to push past the Doctor and into the house, intent on searching it from top to bottom.] Where's Oswin.

[ Oh, for the love of--

The Doctor lets Pyro push past him, but doesn't close the door as he turns. ]

She's gone, John. As was bound to happen eventually.

No. No. [He whirls around, fists clenched tightly at his sides.] It wasn't bound to happen, because people have been here since the very beginning of this bullshit. People don't have to go.

There's no way. Aren't you looking? She nearly killed herself looking for you! Aren't gonna do anything?

Oswin isn't a morning person. When I went into our room this morning, she wasn't sleeping as she should have been. This, [ he raises the wrist with the bracelet on it, ] has never been wrong. When she looked for me I was still on it.

So, no, I'm not, because there's nothing I can do. I've lost someone before, I know how it works. If you really think there's something to be done, do it yourself, don't come whining to me. It doesn't. Work.

Edited 2013-07-26 18:45 (UTC)

You - you fucking asshole!

[He shouldn't be shocked by this point, but he is, and that only redoubles his rage. He's practically screaming.]

You act like you care about her, like she's so important, and then when it really counts you don't give a shit. Not a single shit. All this time you've pretended that I wasn't good enough for her, but I helped her. I was there every time you weren't.

[And the volume slowly diminishes throughout that speech, until he's just left shaking and speaking in a soft monotone, either somewhere above even rage or finally showing a real emotion beyond anger.]

You know what happened, You've got to. She can't be back there.

[ And then it's the Doctor's turn to practically scream. ]

Of course I know! I was there! I saw--!

[ He chokes on something, takes a deep, shuddering breath before he quickly closes the door, almost slams it. ]

Okay. Yes. You're right. I'm rubbish at... being there for people. I offer them all of time and space and take them away on the trip of their life. I was going to take her, of course I was. She's perfect. And then-- You think I don't care? But I'm as stuck as any of us are!

[No, no, he doesn't want the Doctor to give in. He wants enough arrogance and attitude back to justify a physical fight; he wants to take out his brass knuckles and crush that ugly face until it's barely recognizable as a person. And he could, he's never needed justification before, but -

- but he imagines Oswin watching all of that, the horror she'd feel at seeing her precious Doctor so badly beaten, and it fills him with bitterness even as it calms the fury.]

She's gone.

[Not a question, but not totally certain either. Almost childish.]

She's really gone.

[ Well, good, because the Doctor wouldn't put up with being pummeled. He'd fight back, one way or another. Better this way.

Not that he'd say he's giving in. But Pyro is being stupid, and he's sick and tired of this crap. ]

She's really gone.

[ And with that, and a sniff as he presses his lips together, he brushes past Pyro to get back to his workshop. The tea can wait. ]

So there's no point in you staying here.

I cared about her.

[There's a defensive edge to his voice, but otherwise he sounds completely honest. He's got to say at least that much, even if it's to the Doctor's back.]

Whatever you think of me, I did. I do. And I didn't plan on caring about anyone ever again, especially not a human.

[ That actually does make him stop, right in the doorway. ]

I know you do.

[ Doesn't make him any less concerned, because he cares about people too - cares about her - and look at him. Look at how that goes for him. It doesn't matter, it doesn't make things automatically better, doesn't mean you won't hurt them. Pyro is unstable, and won't so easily be made stable.

But, oh... does he know how that goes. Thinking he won't ever care again because it hurts too much, and yet he always ends up doing so.

There's a moment's pause to consider it, and then he continues. ]

There's another girl. The same girl, almost completely, scattered across time and space. I don't know how, but apparently I'm going to meet her again. Clara Oswald, not Oswin Oswald, but definitely the same. Oswin's dead but she... also lives. In a way.

[ Almost as if he's trying to cheer Pyro up. But, really, it feels like he's just trying to convince himself. ]

[His throat feels alarmingly tight, but he forces the feeling away as quickly as it comes. Not that again. Not that ever again.

But what the Doctor's saying - it's possible, isn't it? Anything's possible here, he's learned that quickly. Different permutations of the same girl spread throughout time, and oh, what a girl to pick.]

I saw it. In those nightmares. I felt all of it. And I saw her, at the end.

[His laugh is dangerously shaky.]

You don't kill off someone like Oswin that easily.

[ That actually does get a smile, if wry and crooked, and he leans against the doorway as if he intends to stick around. Still doesn't turn towards Pyro though. ]

Apparently not.

It's bullshit. Taking someone, giving them a second life, and then dumping them back into nothing.

She was -

[So alive. Happy to be here. A pain in the ass. Funny as hell. Sexy as hell. So brave she was almost stupid. Understanding. Different. Tough as nails. Too smart for her own good.]

- it's bullshit.

I know.

[ There's no need to say all that for the Doctor to know what Pyro means, at least some of it. So alive and so painfully human, she was. So human because for so long she hadn't been.

Because right now I'm not, Rory had said once. Maybe that's why he wasn't scared of Oswin in the end. Because somehow he knew she was still... completely human. ]

She was.

[It's the first time in as long as he can remember that he really, truly wants to break down. Not just crumble, but cry and wail and leave anger behind to face the real pain underneath it. The lure is so strong.]

So - that's it. That's the end. [He never had to make a choice, because it was made for him.] I don't know about you, but I'm gonna get smashed and forget the shit out of everything for awhile. If you -

[He doesn't know what he's about to offer - an ear, a shoulder, a stool beside him at the bar? - because it never comes out. He just turns and starts to open the door.]

[ His friends and his other selves had taken to the bar after he died. Apparently, that's something he might just end up doing. Maybe because he can't take the TARDIS and run, save a world or solve a problem. He's stuck.

But it never really crossed his mind. So he has no intention to do so. ]

Try not to get into trouble.

[ That's all he gives before he pushes off the doorway and walks away. ]

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